As finals were wrapping up, I found an evening to curl up and catch up on the news. Like all else that's been digitized, The New York Times' website is designed to be consumption-driven, with tempting "Most Popular" and "Editor's Picks" lists at the end of every article. Just when I thought I finished reading about Chile, Hong Kong, and antibiotic-free pigs in Denmark, I added six more tabs to my browser. One was completely irresistible: "
The Year in Pictures 2019."
Executive editor Dean Baquet introduces the photos:
"this collection of images is a testament to a mere fraction of the conflicts and triumphs, catastrophes and achievements and simple but poignant moments of everyday life in the past 365 days."
I was immediately drawn to the concept, the natural end-of-the-year reflection without having to explain too much. The photos say it all. While I don't dare to claim that my life is news-worthy, God brought along particularly formative moments in 2019. It began with continuing to desperately cry out to Him while living in a hurtful environment, and it's now ending in a new city, the fourth I've lived in over the past five years, the first to feel like home within two months. When culling through a year's worth of photos, I kept wondering if I should select "the best few," ones I'd submit to a club competition or ones with a consistent color theme. But that's not what 2019 looked like, and the purpose of this is not to showcase a gallery of my proudest photos.
As I think about the highlands and the heartaches He's blessed me with, the only response I have to a year as overwhelming as 2019 was is gratitude; this, I've learned, is often best expressed through sharing and serving, wherever and however God calls me. What can I do with the creative and experiential tools He's given me?
One morning, my devotional read,
"There is a story of an old man who carried a little can of oil with him everywhere he went, and if he passed through a door that squeaked, he poured a little oil on the hinges. If a gate was hard to open, he oiled the latch. And thus he passed through life lubricating all hard places and making it easier for those who came after him."
I'd love to be like this man, to tell of the mountains He's helped me climb. They may be bunny hills to others, but I never know - they could end up being a page in someone's survival guide.
During our last camera club meeting of the year, my friend Larry nudged me and said, as he always does, "I want to see more of your stuff up there."
...I'm scared, I whined.
"I know you are, but how else are you going to learn?" He pressed gently.
No matter how many months pass by before I find the courage (or resignation) to finally share a photo, no matter how many people exceed me in talent and skill, the way I see is a gift from God that needs nurturing, and growth can result from becoming confident and content with where I am right now. I'm a work in progress, a redemption story in the making. I'm not perfect and neither is my work. Perhaps sharing just that can meaningfully draw someone towards Him.
So here's to 2019 in photos, to the messy and the momentous and all that lies between.
Note: most captions contain a clickable link to the original photo project.
January
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| Wilson was on a school trip to Athens, and we unexpectedly ran into him at the National Garden! At the airport, I ran into my friend Christina who just wrapped up a mission trip to Lesvos. These were just the beginning of a year full of God-ordained connections that made the world feel even smaller. |
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| Coma, cancer, mental illnesses, deaths. Our family's gone through its fair share of challenges over the past seven years, and God's been humbling me to recognize how badly I need my family no matter how complicated things get. I bend over backwards trying to be as present as possible during the little time I have with family now. Traveling to Greece with my favorite aunt Carroll and uncle Billy was the first of four trips we took together this year, and each was filled with belly-aching laughter. On our last night in Athens, we grabbed gyros and came home to watch YouTube videos of the places we just visited... the simple moments are the ones that I've cherished the most. |
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It's my seas that ebb and flow, not my Rock.
My final semester was no walk in the park. I learned that Christians are just as capable of hurting others, and I struggled with forgiveness. There was no easy way out and I had to constantly hand my hardened heart over, coming to terms with my own fault and sinfulness.
Sometimes we're called to reconcile, but other times, we're led to walk away and let go. |
February
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| One of the most impromptu and un-Hannah-like decisions I made, but it was worth the two weeks of intense preparation and work. Almost made it back to Emory. |
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Two years ago, my advisors explicitly told me, "Don't take any more Spanish classes."
I took three during my final semester alone... this was not motivated by a spirit of retaliation, I promise! Discerning what God wanted me to do was confusing - I had more credits than a minor, but not quite enough for a major. I wanted to ask what it all meant and what I'd do with it. God provided wonderful Spanish professors along the way who were nothing but encouraging and generous, showing me in the moment that I can simply do my best, not knowing exactly why, but knowing for whom I study. |
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Dietetics asks more from students than some may realize. Dietetic internship applications, interviews, match day, cooking dinner for 800+ people, kitchen accidents... the final push to the end wouldn't have been as bearable without two very special pals that God brought into my life - yes, you can make new friends during your final semester of senior year, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. |
March
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| It took 2.5 years to find family in Ithaca, but the short time we had together was so sweet. |
April
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"I believe. Help me with my unbelief." (Mark 9:24)
A student's budget sucks - I've wrestled with this simultaneously alongside privilege. What's more is that I've struggled to understand that God will provide abundantly according to His time. Opportunities, like watching this sweet buddy grow up for 1.5 years, joining a last semester research position, and a job to come in Boston, had God's hands all over them. As He gives, he also challenges to give generously and cheerfully. |
May
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| Saying goodbye to the campus on a hill: the last few weeks were bittersweet. Sweet from the "see you agains," the lasts visits to everything - Monkey Run, CTB, the footbridge, the horses, the gym, church, the Friends of the Library Book Sale. Bitter from a paralyzing environment that God used to remind me of my constant and forever need for Him. |
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4 years, living in 3 states, attending 2 schools for 1 degree (feat 0 all-nighters and countless, tear-soaked calls to my mom). They say Cornell’s the easiest Ivy to get into and the hardest to get out of...Considering it took me 3 applications to get in, I’d say it wasn’t easy to “get out.” It was 10% these guys, 100% the Big Guy upstairs. |
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| “La lectura de tu texto ya en mi escritorio de Buenos Aires (donde los cuatro meses en Ithaca empiezan a desrealizarse como un largo sueño)...” Profesora Speranza wrote in her email. It’s like it was all a dream... |
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| Cornell's graduation is really somethin' special. The TCAT runs " CONGRATULATIONS!" on bus destination signs, the Board of Trustees and professors line up to shake hands as you parade to Schoelkopf, and the good folks at Mac's come out to cheer you on. |
June
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The day after graduation, we headed to NYC to visit family. Most didn't know I had just graduated! Two days later, we were off again.
Prague, Czech Republic |
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| Munich, Germany |
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| Salzburg, Austria |
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| Sailing Wolfgangsee |
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| Vienna, Austria |
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| Budapest and Szentendre, Hungary |
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| Trusting that God loves my brother more than I do. |
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| We hadn't seen each other in four years, and in 2019, we got to see them three times, in the US and in Hungary. |
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| #SheSaidYESudasan Celebrating the union of two sweet friends and the addition bonus of closure and confidence in "see you later." |
July
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| 7 whole days in Utah with my best friend Carly, and getting to meet her wonderful fur babies, fiancé, and friends. |
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| Philadelphia |
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| A continuation of how God provides in time: babysitting and tutoring Spanish over the summer. Tutoring was His way of helping me keep up with my Spanish when something else fell through. |
August
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| Reading "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" (Barbara Kingsolver) shook me from my complacency and re-inspired me to be a more responsible consumer. |
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| Blueberry picking with my dad at Terhune. |
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| Camp with 40 kindergarteners. I was never around during previous summers to volunteer with church camp, something I experienced growing up. God had put this longing to serve on my heart for several years, and I was finally available this summer. There were challenges to hand over to Him, like making new friends with other counselors at a church you've attended sporadically during college breaks. I commonly got, "Oh, I thought you were in high school!" At the end, the challenge was accepting that He was asking me to walk away, just after the investment was made and friendships were forged. Sometimes God asks us to give up things we didn't think we could give up before blessing us with something we thought we would never have. |
My wandering, gypsy feet are my homebody heart’s enemies. “Hello, goodbye” - I hate the isolation of a nomadic social lifestyle. But on graduation day, I noticed that a girl near me decorated her cap to read, “Here I am. Send me.”⠀
It seems like my antidote is to take the microphone away from self-pity and instead, recite to myself, over and over, “Where You go, I’ll go.”⠀
Truth is, the obedient attitude of “I will follow” is a response to the confident assurance of “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
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| Cried the happiest tears as I was leaving the grocery store - two days before moving, I got to run into my second dad and met a lady who overheard us talking. She moved to Princeton from the very same town I’m moving to! And then Living Hope came on the radio. Wegmans has reached new levels of magic...Blink once, count my blessings twice. (August 16) |
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| Susanne and Zane Grey, my first two friends in Boston. |
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| "Do you have family there?" Learning to say "not yet, and mean it. (August 22) |
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| Learning how to help others feel at home while I simultaneously discover "home" |
September
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| Alton Bay, New Hampshire with my college fellowship and church buddies. Kirstin and I met and became instant INFJ buddies during her last semester. After a year of not seeing each other, I got to see her three times in four months. |
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| Accepting that people and places move on without me |
The gift of friendship. God provided meaningful relationships through my camera club, a city-wide healthcare fellowship, a school ministry e-board team, and the churches I've visited.
Over lunch, I found out that my buddy went to high school with my best friend in San Diego.
At a fellowship dinner, someone asked me if I was in "Dr. Barre's class" and "studied in Robert's Hall a lot"... turns out we went to college together, never really met then, and are friends today.
The cashier at Trader Joe's saw me "C" hat and asked if I went to Cornell - turns out he studied nutrition in CALS, like I did, and graduated two years earlier.
After a school seminar, someone saw me in my Cornell sweatshirt - she graduated from the nutrition department a year before me.
At the gym, I met someone who graduated from Emory a year before I would have.
Crossing the street, I noticed someone who went to high school with me - she ended up at Emory and is now at Tufts Medical School.
Some things you can't make up. Perhaps these connections are even more life-giving speaking as someone who simply never had many friends growing up and throughout college. Sometimes it's not you.
October
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| The morning commute on 35mm film |
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| The 50th Anniversary of the White House Conference on Food and Nutrition, and a school where people aren't afraid to stand tall when they voice their opinions. |
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| Food Innovation Summit and Cook Together at America's Test Kitchen. Many prayers went into this job decision, and I made it feeling not all that confident, but God assured me as the months went by that this was the right move. Taking six courses, editing videos and photographing for my school, and finding time for personal projects amidst life and all is juggling act, but God intentionally put this job in my life to improve my technical skills, help me collaborate with experienced creators, and integrate me into my school community. |
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| The simple things. |
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| Goodnow Farms. I met Monica at the Local Food Festival in September and a week later, my professor announced our final project - a multi-criteria assessment of a food product comparing two different production systems. Selecting chocolate as my topic was a no-brainer. Monica welcomed my friend and I to her farm in beautiful Sudbury and sent us off with too many gifts. |
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| Halloween in Beacon Hill |
November
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| I was crouched down, framing this photo, when I heard, "Ay, mira, que bonita." When her husband tried to take a similar photo, I recommended that "la posicion alli es mejor." He turned around with a look of fascination and thus began a short and sweet friendship with two couples visiting from Spain. |
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| Friday evenings at Jumbo's Kitchen. Alongside Spanish, I've been thinking a lot about ways to advocate for causes that God's placed on my heart through photography. |
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| Time and time again, I'm reminded that I have no idea how wonderful home is until I leave it. |
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| The Cais played a lot of board and card games, watched a lot of Mark Wiens videos, and talked a lot about Hong Kong in 2019. I switched things up and got my dad, brother, and mom to sit down together (how rare is that?!) for a side-by-side, blinded comparison of 5 different Goodnow Chocolate bars and one Taza chocolate. |
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| My best friend from high school moved to England, but I got to see her twice in one week, in two different cities. |
December
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| Every few months, God provided a different outlet to continue my Spanish. ESOL was the outlet this semester. |
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| Leaving home to go home. |
“We are all wayfarers, but the believer knows it and accepts it. He is a traveler, not a settler.” (RC Gillie) ⠀
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I don’t know about you, but I no matter how much I love to explore new places, I inevitably crave the comfort of home. And perhaps that’s not such a bad wish to have. Perhaps it’s a healthy tension to hold in your heart as you dutifully accept, embrace rather, the nomadic lifestyle you’re called to on this earth.
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