It's no secret that I love the fall season with its kaleidoscope of colors and excuses to gather, inviting us to remember that change can be beautiful, especially in the midst of community. This fall has been marked by more momentous occasions than recent seasons, yet the grandeur of events and travels have not necessarily been more responsible for its significance. I'm finding that the subtle indications of growth have been rather formative, too:
A medical leave at work prolonged my exposures to challenging patients. Though sore from being stretched, I now have a workflow that boosts my clinical confidence and have identified more humbling unknowns to learn about. A solo trip to Ireland for my 25th welcomed ample time for self-reflection, endless reasons to celebrate the Maker and the beauty of creation, and the uncharacteristically carefree resolve to go to bars alone in pursuit of good music and new friends. Independent and secure, but never alone.
The sweet wedding of a close friend propelled me to drive to Maine by myself, a feat that even my parents were unsure I could pull off. (The secret? A solid playlist and fall foliage.) Reconnecting with friends in Boston proved to me that nostalgia doesn't have to be mourned. In fact, it can be cherished when gratitude is practiced to hold the impending "see you later" in tension. Cooking and brewing kombucha with my best friend and her husband in Chicago reinforced the importance of never taking the small things for granted with the people you love. I'd like to be the kind of person who goes to be with her loved ones in whatever ways she can.
For the first time, I didn't move this year and have been reacquainting myself with continuity. What a privilege to spend time in-person with my middle and high school friends more than once a year. Scheduling phone calls with distant lifelines revealed that I'm no longer afraid of connection; in fact, I desire it. Having safe, comfortable spaces, like my community group, to open up and laugh and ask questions, challenge my assumptions that a nomadic life is more desirable than home roots. Sharing my field notes in hopes they can serve as others' survival guides has affirmed the worthiness of past tears and trials. Hearing my ESL students experience divine providence and power in their lives has left me in wonder. My one second at a time friendships with my fellow commuters continue to blossom. Our little submission competition to hold the door at the station makes our 8:13am arrivals regular highlights of the day.
At the root of my pursuit of wholehearted living lies a growing security that God's got me. Inviting divine help into every celebration and challenge has been helping me sink into vulnerability with less resistance, shed my protective armor to embrace life unarmed.
While holding an unwieldy bundle of confused excitement, uncertainty, and foreboding joy on my flight back from Chicago, I lingered on Max Lucado's words:
"You have a God who hears you, the power of love behind you, the Holy Spirit within you, and all of heaven ahead of you. If you have the Shepherd, you have grace for every sin, direction for every turn, a candle for every corner, and an anchor for every storm. You have everything you need."
This has been a good place to be.
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Links to things I've loved:
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (Brené Brown) (GoodReads)
I'm Glad My Mom Died (Jennette McCurdy) (GoodReads)
All Too Well (10 minute version) (Spanish version) - Kevin Vásquez (YouTube)
The Music Man (2022 Broadway Cast Recording) (Spotify)
76 Seconds with Hugh Jackman and Sutton Foster (YouTube)
Hugh Jackman Returns To Broadway To Rehearse "The Music Man" With Stephen Colbert (YouTube)
How to Feed NYC's Largest Middle School | On The Job | Priya Krishna | NYT Cooking (YouTube)
How To Run Brooklyn’s Legendary Tamale Cart | On the Job | Priya Krishna | NYT Cooking (YouTube)
“Can’t Help Falling In Love” but every line is a different language (YouTube)
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