Sunday Dialogues: On Becoming

Looking into her eyes, I tighten the arms wrapped around my knees. Her hair got longer and the creases on her forehead have deepened, but little else has changed. No... She hasn't changed at all. Seeds of betrayal and disappointment sprout; my heart recoils in disgust. After everything you've been through.

Hot tears trickle and stream quickly down her pale cheeks. My cheeks. Pleading, I fight the mess of emotions that swell into a tornado. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I pull myself up and the quivering mess continues to lie, sobbing. Unable to look any longer, I close the door. Tears muffled, I slide back down to a seat and bury my head. You can't run after all. Shaking uncontrollably, the tears flow again.

In the midst of my guilty self-loathing, a golden glow spreads warmth to my toes, fighting the icy chill of my darkness. Gentle fingers rub my back. Gingerly, You pry my clenched fist open to hold my hand. The tears blur Your knowing smile, Your kind eyes.

"See the leaves falling outside your window? The autumn you cherish is My annual reminder that becoming is just as seasonal. Return to me daily, consciously. I will help you confront the ugly monster you lock up. I will help you shake hands with the parts of yourself that are works in progress. I will help you see yourself as the beloved child you are."

In Your presence, the paralysis begins to melt and truth starts to sing softly in my ear.

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Tim Keller  

"When Paul said, 'By the grace of God I am what I am,' he made the most freeing statement in all the world...Paul is saying in effect, 'By his grace God has taken the deadness of my history and created life and value, and he has engaged me in his own work.'" - Klyne Snodgrass

"Wholeness, the movement toward wholeness, is when the way of our being matches the truth of our being... And that is everything true about God, because we are made in the image of God." -William Paul Young  

"The command to be tenderhearted has more to do with what God has done for you than what your mother or father did to you. You are not enslaved to your past...You can say, 'Christ’s love for me makes me a new kind of person. His command to love is just as surely possible for me as his promise of love is true for me.'" - John Piper 

"You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God...For the Lord will take delight in you...As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you...You will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted." -Isaiah 62:3-12)

Jesus didn't die for the person I want or expect myself to become. Christ died for the broken me, fully knowing every sin I'll commit - past, present, and future. I strain my eyes earnestly towards the days, weeks, months, years ahead. He who has begun a good work in me will perfect it until Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6).