I don't open this box very often, but when I do, everything comes flooding back. I surprise myself by how much has slipped my memory, and I think that's what happens often towards the end of each year, this one especially. Given my tendency to be competitive and easily jealous, I have to be very diligent about making time for reflection. It is only through reflection, whether it be mere thoughts or writing in a journal, that I am capable of remembering what God has graciously given to me. Once I remember, I can then feel grateful, content, happy for others.
Lately, as I comb through ideas and opportunities for the coming summer, I find myself running into walls. My desires have been conflicting with God's, largely because my plans tend to magnify me, not Him. Jealousy and competitiveness come into play again, and God's been humbling me by reminding me to fixate my eyes on Him - nothing and no one else.
2017 brought more changes and opportunities than I can easily recognize, and I would be remiss to ask God for guidance going into the summer, let alone 2018, without acknowledging how he guided me over the past year. Interspersed through my favorite photos from the year, here are 17 of the many ways in which God worked in my life in 2017:
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| Barcelona, Spain |
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| Madrid, Spain |
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| Toledo, Spain |
2017 actually began somewhere over the Atlantic, en route to Spain. God gave me the opportunity to speak Spanish for the first time in over a year during a trip with my parents. Conversing and meeting such kind Spaniards planted the idea of minoring in Spanish. Spring semester, I met up with an adviser and professor to discuss the feasibility of that idea. It didn't look like it would be easy given my dietetics requirements, so I decided that I'd take as many classes as possible, just for personal enrichment.
Over the summer, God gave me yet another opportunity to practice my Spanish. This time, with patients. These conversations were another reminder to me of how broken my Spanish was (hah!), and they further fueled my desire to improve. The practical application of language skills within a healthcare setting is so valuable. My coworker's passion for the language was incredibly contagious, as well, and getting excited about Spanish with her gave me a preview of what my class in the fall would look like.
I've told too many people this, but my Spanish class was the highlight of my semester (English being a close second). Yes, it was challenging, and our professor tried to intimidate us by acting all tough the first day. Yet those hours labored over single chapters of a novel were so worthwhile. Our class, made up of students of all ages (continuing students, too!), was wonderfully close-knit, and our professor taught me way beyond how to write a better essay. Some days, I'd spend subsequent classes wrestling with "non-places" vs "spaces" instead of paying attention to the Woesian Revolution - a sign of a fascinating class, no? We talked about politics, philosophy, history, social justice/injustice at Cornell. I came out of that class a better person, not just a better Spanish speaker.
In the middle of the semester, when that passion was reaching a peak (you know, before it dips during finals), I returned to the idea of minoring again. With refined interests and a realization that I had misunderstood my graduation requirements, a minor actually just fits into my remaining 1.5 years.
Looking back, I love how God gave me even more opportunities to fall in love with the language before giving me clearance on this decision. Each stepping stone was intentional. I'm so much more confident that this is a part of His plan for me, and He's continuing to show me new applications of this skill. Suffice to say, I am ecstatic about continuing my study of Spanish in 2018!
This was rather a long explanation, but I promise that los siguientes parrafos no son tan largos ;-) I just get too excited about Spanish.
And though I have yet to visit Central/South America, I know this to be true of Spaniards:
"I record this, trivial though it may sound, because it is somehow typical of Spain - of the flashes of magnanimity that you get form Spaniards in the worst of circumstances. I have the most evil memories of Spain, but I have very few bad memories of Spaniards... They have, there is no doubt, a generosity, a species of nobility, that do not really belong to the twentieth century." - George Orwell
It's funny that I struggled more during the early second semester of my sophomore year than the first, but it's true nonetheless. I came to a point where I sincerely did not want to return to Cornell after winter break, and it really pained me to bus back up in January.
Jesus constantly reached out to the marginalized - touching the lepers, caring for the poor. It's much more comfortable to be concerned with yourself when reaching out does not entail a high return on investment, but the challenges I faced have helped me appreciate Jesus' ministry even more. Christians strive to be Christ-like, and transferring has taught me that Christ-likeness is not defined solely by outward actions but a posturing of the heart. God opened my heart to transfers to enable and equip me to reach out to them. He transformed pain into a gift of provision for myself and others.
Continuing Food for Thought through June gave me the opportunity to learn from some incredible people working with food, hunger, and agriculture. Through this independent project and support via a grant, I shared stories and photos from conversations I had with professors, community leaders, students, and farmers. God has slowly stripped my pride, helping me find a middle ground and a moderate perspective on very contentious issues within the worlds of health and food.
Read more about Food for Thought here, too.
I'm not in control. He is.
5. God gave me hope of a new Christ-centered family,
one that I hope to become a part of in 2018.
6. God was the source of wisdom, strength, and love
I can look to Him when I don't know what to respond with, or when I simply don't know who I can talk to.
You can't put God in a box. Just because He did something one way in the past at a certain rate doesn't mean that He'll do it the same way at the same rate again. God works in so many different ways. Sometimes, I have to be more patient. Just because I can't "feel" or "notice" any difference doesn't mean He's not at work.
God's physically protected me as I ventured into new experiences and places. Need I remind you of the bear on Mt. Tammany? But in all seriousness, I did go to some not-so-safe places, and I'm grateful for his protection and boost of confidence during solo adventures.
On a different note, comfort with individuality also needs to take place among others, not just when you're alone. A competitive person compares themselves. A lot. It can result in both excessive pride and excessive self-deprecation. Though I love blogging and sharing my thoughts/photos, I will be the first to say that I do not have the healthiest relationship with social media. It's a spawning ground for my own dissatisfaction and jealousy, but through conversations with my best friends and timely sermons, God's helped me develop "rules" to guide my engagement with social media. I used to think that moments of jealousy were situations in which I could afford to think selfishly, but I don't think looking at myself gets me very far, still. I'm better off diverting my gaze to God.
Another favorite "rule", is a question, and it's one that can be applied to any situation: Is this an act of love? Whether it be towards yourself or others, if the answer's no, then maybe you should look the other way.
He is the source of healing, and there is no tear nor loss too deep that He cannot heal.
The theme of humility continues, and I see it continuing throughout 2018. He is truly the source of all blessings; what can I really take ownership of aside from my sin?
11. God reinvigorated a love for music
I've had a deep love-hate relationship with the piano since I was four. I intend on building upon this love in 2018. Perhaps via service... I'm not sure yet.
Disconnecting 100% for two weeks was by far one of the best decisions I made this past summer, but even the 1-2 hour train rides alone were sufficient for Him to show me that the volume of noise existing out there. God is everywhere, all the time, but it's a lot easier to hear Him and feel like I've "encountered Him" when I discipline myself to sit in the silence. No distractions. I can't recommend journaling enough - it's the most natural way, for me, to put life into perspective and remember what God has already done.
through travel, my internship, a new appreciation for languages, and my current coworkers.
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| Copenhagen, Denmark |
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| Fredericia, Denmark |
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| Odense, Denmark |
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| Warnemunde, Germany |
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| Schwerin, Germany |
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| Nida, Lithuania |
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| Helsinki, Finland |
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| St. Petersburg, Russia |
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| Tallinn, Estonia |
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| Stockholm, Sweden |
I'm too reflective, sometimes trapping myself in my own head. The opportunities God has given me to meet new people and see new places have been so humbling. They remind me of how small I am, that not everything is about me ;-), and that there are so many good people out there!
Asking for forgiveness, being forgiven, and forgiving.
I don't know if I need to say much more, but people are simply irreplaceable. As cliche as it sounds, each person is so special and unique, and you can't find another person "just like them". It's important to let go, but it's also important to fight for relationships. God is the one bringing people apart and together. Again, He's in the center of relationships!
What's worse than writer's block? Writing about things you don't want to think about. I've spent a lot of energy suppressing pain, and it's taxing to dig it all back up.
English class was challenging in that regard; there were many, many times when I sat staring at my screen blankly, not knowing where or how to start. But the products, and perhaps the process more so, were incredibly cathartic. God showed me the shortcomings of my thinking and gently reminded me that not everything falls into my hands. At the same time, there are no heroes and villains, at least not in my stories. Everyone's complex, and I can't label people as "good" or "bad". They all deserve a chance, too.
By "Creation", I mean both the verb and the noun. I love taking photos and editing them, and photography has given me a glimpse of how God delights in both the process of creating and His creations. I wonder more about what He thought of when He created man - how does God fabricate the cardiovascular system and all of its intricacies?! Creating art (photos... sourdough starter named Gustavo...) and learning about creation through my sciences classes have given me a more child-like wonder and awe of our Father.
If you liked this Sunday Dialogue, you can read through some more, here. It makes me so happy to have intersected faith with this blog in 2017, and I'd love to hear what you think of this series. More to come in 2018!
xo, Han
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