November 24, 2014

Patience


White V-Neck: F21
Plaid Flannel: F21
Coat: Justice (my mom got it from TJ Maxx)
Leggings: New Balance
Flats: H&M



"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." ~ Jean Jacques-Rousseau

I agree. It is bitter. I'm still waiting on that fruit, so I'll let you know if it really is that sweet when I get there. According to Google, patience is "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset." 

While I do agree that patience is that, I think that patience is also the ability to compromise your high hopes with the fear of reality not living up to your expectations. I think patience is also living with the understanding, the true understanding, not just the "i get it but i can't live that way", that there is something at the end that's worth waiting for. Worth working for too.

I want so badly to get into the school of my dreams. It's the school of my dreams because it offers everything that I could ever ask for; it will allow me to pursue my dream career and my other passions (nutrition, environmental sustainability, biology) all in one school. It offers clubs and sports that I am so extremely excited about. This school offers study abroad and volunteer abroad opportunities that combines my love for the Spanish language and animals/the environment. The food there is incredible, the location is so perfect (and there's a Wegman's...you know I belong there).  It's only 4 hours from home. It's not in a city. It's so beautiful. Yes, this school is prestigious, but oh my gosh there's so much more that it offers that is so perfect for me. 

I know that it doesn't matter what school you go to, that it's what you make of your education that matters in the end. I know that there have been so many incredibly talented people who went to public schools, not those big name schools. I know. But I need people to see me as something more sometimes. I've always been the underdog, and this underdog wants some recognition for the work that she's been putting out. 

Right now, it feels like sometimes, everything that I do is to get there. It feels like if I get there, everything that I've worked on will be validated. That the work meant something. That taking all those classes that I never liked were worth it. That those projects that I never got points for were worth it. That those teachers that were unfair were worth enduring. That the struggles of high school were worth it. 
But honestly? I can't get my hopes up. I know I really can't, because there are hundreds of thousands who are ten times more accomplished than I. And there are also those with the special talents or the connections to get there. 

I just wish that the amount of work you do equated to what you get out of life. I guess that's very subjective and it all comes down to attitude..but ...ughh. patience is hard.

Is it worth it? ...I hope so.











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