November 19, 2014

Everything...Has Changed


Did I get that Taylor Swift song stuck in your head?!?!

I'm sorry...

but it really does feel like everything has changed. 

Like everything.

Too quickly.

And I wasn't/am not prepared for all of it.

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All the overwhelming changes just make me want to stay at home, curl up in my soft fleece blanket that my best friend made for me (love you Carly), binge watch Friends, and binge eat peanut butter and apples and granola.

I know the photos above don't really match the whole "freaked out" state that I'm in every now and then because of all the changes, but it kinda shows who I am: I'm still me. The five year old who loves rainy days, princesses, pb & banana sandwiches, and simplicity.
While I like to remain simple, life doesn't. 
Life likes to change and surprise me. 

And I'm not taking the surprises too well; my attitude towards change...well..changes. Some days, I push the changes to the side and laugh everything off. Other days, I'm in denial. Most days though, I sulk and get annoyed. 

I think the worst part is that while I feel like I don't change all that much, people around me embrace change so readily...and I'm left with nothing to lean on. I've been told constantly that I'm "reliable".
Reliable, reliable, reliable. 
Well, what or who can the reliable person rely on when the rest of the world changes and relies on her?

Not too much, to be honest. 

Fortunately, my brother's always been there for me. He's changing too though; he's busy with his stuff or he's out of the house a lot sometimes refereeing games, but he's always there to listen, to talk, to hang out with. He even offered to sit with me at lunch cause this girl has sat alone at lunch far too many times this year (not that there's anything wrong with sitting alone, but i mean...it's lunch. at school. the time to see your friends. except they leave a lot. while i stay). But other than him...I don't think I have anyone who will want to remain the same in some aspects for me.

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Sometimes I wish that I could manipulate the changes: 
they'll occur when I'm ready. 
I will participate in the changes when I feel like it.

And most importantly, the people around me will stay with me forever.

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I know my "Peter Pan" crisis is so trivial, but it just sits on me constantly because I'm constantly reminded of it.
I haven't talked to some of my really close friends in a really long time because things have changed and  life just gets in the way.
I see so and so get into their dream school and plan out the rest of their future while I'm sitting at home praying that the same will happen to me. People drifting away, people moving away, people changing. 
When you're surrounded by change, it ends up being the only thing on your mind.


Anyways...those are just some thoughts...a few recipe posts will come (lots of 'em will be up next week as I prep for Thanksgiving), but for now, I'm just reusing old photos (click here for my rainy-day OOTD description).

xoxo, hannah









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