October 8, 2014

an adage to live by

One of my favorite things as a senior is basically seeing yourself through the underclassmen:
i remember when i was a freshman and i thought i was the bomb. (really wasn't but it's funny to look back & think about that)
i remember when i was a sophomore and i thought i was the bomb. (again, really wasn't).
i remember when i was a junior and i had SO MUCH STRESS. (still have that)

i think sophomore year was definitely a blur, but i remember freshman year really well.
almost even better than i remember junior year because i still feel like a junior who is constantly juggling a balancing act.
freshman year, i was the least competitive i think.
the competitiveness really started the summer before sophomore year.

everyone in my school is freaking talented.
whether it be musically, athletically, theatrically, whatever.
they're freaking talented.
and competitive as well.

throughout high school, i have  sometimes (and still sometimes) feel like i'm inadequate.
i'm not comparable to the others.
i'm not as smart, as musical, as athletic, as artistic, as funny.
but i realize now that the only reason why i've been able to "succeed" in a few ways during high school is because of this:

"Whatever I lack in natural ability, I make up for in discipline."

there are a lot of incredibly intelligent kids at my school.
sometimes, they're the only ones in the class that end up with A's. 
not because they work hard. because they don't.
it's just that they've got the aptitude for the subject & they're just incredibly intelligent.

I on the other hand have struggled through every subject imaginable.
i struggled through my writing class, especially in the 9th grade.
i struggled through math, especially over the summer before 10th grade.
i struggled through science, especially last year when i taught myself AP Chemistry with minimal knowledge about chemistry.
i struggled through american studies, especially last year with a teacher who just could never be satisfied.
i struggled through orchestra, especially in the 10th grade when i fractured my finger and sat last chair for 1/2 the year after i recovered.
i struggled during my basketball season in the 9th grade.
i struggled to keep up with the other kids in my lifeguarding class last year.
and i especially struggled last summer when i was taking that computer programming course.

i have definitely struggled a lot.

i honestly don't think i'm "naturally gifted" at anything.
yes, i have a lot of interests, but the reason why i might be somewhat "good" at something is because
i've had to work my butt off to get there. 
and it's paid off, i think.

i hope.

we'll see.

and a bonus photo of my brother & I yesterday (Preppy Day):

xoxo, Hannah

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