September 4, 2014

Don't Back Down --- Be Proud of Who You Are

Second day of senior year...another busy day. I missed half an hour of lunch to try to sort out my graduation requirement issue and had to drop out of physics for ......(guess)....COMPUTER PROGRAMMING. java. more java. ugh. but that's not the point of this post.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I was embarrassed during ap bio (a silly little thing) and that I was able to get over it. Well, turns out that some of the immature SENIOR boys in my class haven't. Basically what happened was that my bio teacher (who was my teacher freshman year) kept a biography card that I made and demonstrated his little reason for why he wanted us (the current ap bio class) to write our own biography cards for monday --- so that we could play a game (basically reading the biography and making us guess who's it is) that would help us get to know our peers a little bit better. Now I wrote mine when I was 14 and we were required to write a paragraph, so mine was a little juvenile and drawn out...okay, really drawn out. I just said stuff like "I love to ski and my favorite skiiers are....I like to ice skate and my favorite ice skater is...I admire Steve Irwin because...I want to become a veterinarian....My favorite singer is Michael Jackson...". Okay. Two of the people that I mentioned have passed away. Okay. The word "crikey" is funny. Whatever. I got over the little awkwardness I felt about my classmates getting to know me that well (my friends in the class already knew that stuff so they thought it was perfectly normal) last night.

Today, during the last five minutes of class, he wanted my entire row to tell a fun fact about ourselves. Okay, cool. All I said, when it was my turn, was "My name is Hannah (even though the class already knew way too much about me after yesterday) and my favorite animal is the alligator". I'm DIFFERENT, KAY?! I love koalas and cute puppies, but I also like alligators. Deal with it.
So then, of course, one of the immature senior boys said "crikey!" in a low voice and the guys around him all snickered. UGH.

I guess I'm not upset about the fact that they laughed and he made that comment, because let's be honest, 17 year old boys aren't exactly "mature" (let's give them 20 years?...will I ever find a husband? probably not because I just think that every guy I meet is immature in some way but that's not the point), but I'm annoyed at the fact that I've finally become okay with really showing other people who I am and allowing people to know me this past year, and I don't like how there's always other people who find a way to put others down when all they're trying to do is be themselves. It has NOT been easy for me to come out of my shell and try new things; from trying out for basketball to lifeguarding classes, I've had to learn to really let go and take risks these past couple years. I have embarrassed myself (ten times more embarrassing than yesterday, okay? yesterday really wasn't that bad) and I have learned a lot. I have had trust issues and now, when I'm finally allowing myself to have the confidence to share other sides of myself (i'm a dork, goof, and weirdo and i'm not all that polished at all) and to trust people enough to share this information with, people put me down.

Now this is a really minor case because I honestly could care less about what these guys think about me and i'm sure that they were just being boys, but this happens a lot to other people, and I don't like that. not. at. all.
It sucks because it takes a lot of time, effort, and inner strength to be able to open yourself up, and when someone puts you down after you muster up that courage for who knows how long to share yourself with the world, it sucks!

So that's the thing I learned today. In the last 5 minutes of bio class. And I wanted to tell everyone (or whoever is reading this) about this little situation so that they're not going to put someone else down (or at least be conscious of the consequences/effects of what they say to others), because they honestly do not know how it can really restrict someone from conquering their aspirations. I think self-confidence is key to anything you do, and when that goes down, you can't do much. So be conscious of what you say to others. Please.

On the upside, my first day of ap spanish lit was AWESOME :) I laughed so much and had so much fun. I'm so excited for the year! many life lessons just in the first two days of senior's gonna be interesting.

xoxo, Hannah

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