June 7, 2014

Juggling Act

top: TJ Maxx
trousers: thrifted from Salvation Army
bag: Olsenboye
watch: Cote d'Azur

i've been in a rut over this past week. not really sure what really started everything, but i've just been in a mood. i know these photos don't exactly portray a very confused, impatient, stubborn, irritable person, but i guess i just have those little moments when i feel too overwhelmed and there's just not enough time in the day to get everything done. the end of the year has seriously been even crazier than i could ever imagine, and it's not like i can really contain myself and be relieved by summer, because the summer won't really be a vacation for me. everyone always asks me what i'll be doing over the summer; it's not really easy to just give a simple answer like "work" or "camp" or "touring Europe" (ugh i wish), cause my summer is going to be just as (if not even busier) busy as my junior year has been. i'm looking at 3 different AP assignments (and lemme tell you, they're not short), skipping two computer courses online, working 3 days a week, volunteering, planning for my clubs that i'm going to be running next year (i'm a co-president for one and the historian for another), and college/scholarship essays. and on top of that, i have stuff that i actually really want to be doing: blogging, my two youtube channels, yoga (i haven't gone since last summer and i miss it SO MUCH), and i need a social life over the summer. it's just so overwhelming; i don't doubt that i'm not going to be able to get stuff done cause i make stuff happen, but i just need a breather you know? i'm definitely not an easy-going person given my "let's get this and this and this and this done and still have time for that" personality 
(work-aholic?). and on top of that, there's always someone who criticizes you for everything and just has to butt in and add some negative commentary. like @aprilathena7 says, GET YOUR LIFE PEOPLE. stop making other people's lives your business and start working on your own life instead. please.

so i guess one of the reasons why i'm in this low point is because i have so much on my mind. but it's not like i can just get it off of my mind. it's affected my mood terribly, so terribly that i had to force myself to write a list of my pet peeves on my car ride home after going to NYC to try to get my thoughts out. the list got so long (i included things that i myself do that i hate in addition to things that people do that annoy me) that i had to force myself to write another list of things that people do that i love. it took a while, but then the creative juices started to kick in and i began to remember even the most randomest of random acts of kindness. 

one of my pet peeves is when i give and give and give (not just items but time, effort, whatever) to other people and i feel like they're taking advantage of me or not appreciating everything that i do for them. of course, there's the comforting thought that yes, it's not easy being the bigger person sometimes, but God sees everything we do, but i mean it's frustrating cause you want that appreciation or acknowledgement right here, right now. but then when i had to come up with things that other people have done that i really appreciated, it took a while for me to get the ball rolling and come up with a decent sized list. even after that, my list of pet peeves was still obnoxiously longer. so i'm going to try and be even more observant than usual and really look for selfless deeds that people do out of their way for me and thank them, appreciate them, and remember them. i need to do that in order to establish some mental clarity. and plus, i think that it'll be nice for the entire world if everyone started being a little more positive and thankful and appreciative.

xoxo, hannah

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